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The Red Book of Westmarch (Archives)

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  Sauron’s Blog #47: The Race of Men is a HUGE Disappointment

  06.27.09 | Kunochan | Permalink | Speak, friend and comment!

  So Eru decided to create a mortal race, the Elves, that looks like hairless albino apes. Fine, He likes primates. Then that talent-free dumbass Aulë made the Dwarves, which are just fat stunted Elves. Well sure, Aulë is as creative as the average colon, and produces the same product. No wonder his race is just a bad copy of Eru’s.

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  Sauron’s Blog #45: Why Does Everyone Care So Much About These Idiotic Rocks?

  05.14.09 | Kunochan | Permalink | Speak, friend and comment!

  This Fëanor guy, who sounds like he might have been pretty cool if he’d been on our side, created these three glowing crystals out of the Light of the Idiotic Trees. Indeed, it seems that the Stinking Valar Traitors might have been able to use the Silmarils to heal the trees, if Fëanor hadn’t refused to give them up. Good for him. But why Melkor chose to steal the Shiny Rocks of Stupidity is beyond me. In fact, if he had just left them for the Valar, they could have resuscitated the trees, and we wouldn’t have to hide from a Sun or a Moon. Good work, Melkor!

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  Sauron’s Blog #43: Ow, The Light! My Eyes! Again!!!

  04.22.09 | Kunochan | Permalink | Speak, friend and comment!

  Well, Morgoth and I were still debating which of us would kill Tilion and which would consume The Moon, denying the world its light forever, when the unthinkable happened. From the East, a terrible bright burning started to rise from the horizon, which resolved into a bright, white light shifted toward the yellow. The firmament turned blue as this terrible light extinguished The Moon and the stars.

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  Sauron’s Blog #41: Melkor is back!

  11.03.08 | Kunochan | Permalink | Speak, friend and comment!

  Sauron’s Blog has been updated. Read the new post, or start from the beginning. Sauron says he is NOT an evil lighthouse.

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  Sauron’s Blog #40: What the heck was that noise?

  10.02.08 | Kunochan | Permalink | Speak, friend and comment!

  Sauron’s Blog has been updated. Read the new post, or start from the beginning. Don’t believe that book of Elvish lies. Discover the truth about Sauron Gorthaur, Lord of the Earth, straight from the Lord of Barad-dûr himself!

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